Friday, August 03, 2007

How to deal with evangelists

Rojak or the melting pot: Things I have said to evangelists

"It happened again. Two girls, bright, perky (in more ways than one), polite - approached me in a shopping mall, and asked me if I would be interested in attending a "special event" at their church.

I've always had a special interest in Christian evangelists in Singapore. Singaporeans as a whole seem to be shy about approaching strangers. Evangelists on the other hand, don't seem to mind, in fact, they're quite happy to do so. It's something they share with those credit card roadshow folks, time-share marketeers and "Hi we are looking for model" people.

(strangely enough, students on flag day seem prepared to die of embarrassment. And block the escalator while doing so.)...

EC: Yeah. Take a look at this handy little Christianity 4 Noobz booklet I happen to have here. All here.

Mz12: But I think I'm [insert faith].

Younger cousin: And I'm already Christian, cos I'm Catholic.

EC: Nya-uh. Did you know that [prominent leader of faith] went to hell? There was this guy, see, who had an mystical vision, and saw [leader] in hell. It's true. You can trust people with mystical visions...

YC: Did we just get converted? Mum is going to kill me.

Mz12: I think you go to hell if you convert.

YC: Mum's worse...

Mz12: I think I'm too young and you're not allowed to chose religions if you're too young. I can't even watch porn yet, how can I choose Gods?

EC: You watch porn?

Mz12: Erhm. Bye...

EP: Christ is the only pathway to heaven!

Mz17: Like Led Zeppelin?"

Incidentally, 'Evangelist' is an anagram for 'Evil's Agent'.

I always beat evangelists at their own game. Everyone should try that. It's great fun for the whole family!

Oddly the only time I've been approached since JC (6 years ago) was when someone who knew me tried to do it, and I'm told she was very traumatised by the experience. Maybe I'm too famous already, hurr hurr.

It's also interesting that the evangelists in recent years have stopped approaching Muslims. They're probably afraid of going to jail for sedition.



Blogger joy suzanne said...

Hi Jeff--it's me, the girl looking for info about ILC in Paris. I linked over to your "recovering Christians" and thought you might get a kick out of my friend's recent blog posting:

(She's a recovering Mennonite, herself...)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007 4:34:00 PM  

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