Thursday, February 09, 2006

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.



Blogger jeffyen said...

This is so true, it's not even funny, and is actually quite sad in some of the points mentioned.

Like no. 7, I remember thinking to myself before watching The Prince of Egypt, how on earth were the animators going to portray the mass killings of the first born? Luckily, the tragedy was was presented with restrained respect and appropriate sensitivity...

Thursday, February 23, 2006 11:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10 signs your not a Christian.

10 – You accept the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when Jesus says he is the way the truth and the life and no man comes to the Father but by him.

9 – You don’t feel insulted or "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have a problem with the Biblical claim that we you created by God in his image.

8 – You don’t believe in the one true God because you can’t understand everything about a god who is infinitely different then yourself and is capable of being three persons and yet one at the same time.

7 – You heart is so hardened by your own sin that you actually judge the creator of the universe when he pronounces his holy judgment upon a creation that turns it back on the very one that gave it life.

6 – You think you are a god, and think of gods in carnal ways because you have never been born of the spirit and so you approach the story of Jesus conception through the eyes of a perverted adolescent boy.

5 – You believe anything that a man I a white lab coat says, especially when it contradicts Gods word, even if it has no basis in actual science and is built on complete speculation and wishful thinking. You’ll believe anything so long as it doesn’t come from the Bible. You have a blind faith in evolutions, and big bangs, and zero faith in a God who has proven himself time and time again.

4 - You believe there is no hell because no one would ever deserve hell, especially you. You believe Jesus died on the cross in vain. His sacrifice was uncalled for and unnecessary. You believe that you are soooo holy that God just has to let you into heaven. You believe that God is an evil god who will allow sin to go unpunished.

3 – You have absolutely no fear of God.

2 – You’ve never prayed to God for anything other then the thing you want to fulfill your selfish desires. They you get angry and wonder why God doesn’t give you everything you want. You don’t know God so you don’t know how to pray in His will.

1 – You think you have absolute knowledge of everything there is to know in all of the universe. After all you’ve read a few textbooks and skimmed through the Bible, but you stopped after it started trying to tell you that there is a moral and just god who demands punishment for all sin and that punishment is death. It offended you to hear that you’ve offended God and need a savior to survive his wrath. You will tolerate anything but what is good, pure, holy and acceptable to God. You Blaspheme the Holy Spirit, you reject the revelation of God’s word, refuse the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and you persecute the Church of Jesus Christ by calling the way intolerant, and encouraging people to reject God in any way you can.

Thursday, June 15, 2006 12:32:00 AM  
Blogger quirK said...

You really wonder why the Egyptians were so stubborn that they had to suffer the fate of the deaths of their firstborn before letting the Israelites go?

This is why blood was shed in the American Civil War, when a godly man decided to abolish the hideous sin of slavery in the United States.

By the way, the Egyptians were already actively involved in a genocide of Hebrew male infants. I am not endorsing revenge; neither does Jesus, but remember that Exodus happened Before Christ.

Monday, June 19, 2006 4:43:00 AM  
Blogger quirK said...

I understand that you may say that the Lord 'hardened Pharaoh's heart', effectively giving the Egyptians no chance at all to evade the disaster right?

Of course by using this line you understand that you admit to the omnipotence of the God of the Hebrews. If the Bible is false then God cannot possibly be omnipotent... nevermind, I'm testing the waters of endless and convoluted debate.

Regarding the first paragraph, I cn safely say that without the original manuscripts and the requisite powers of understanding and contextual translation of the ancient languages of the manuscripts, we should not make our own interpretations without even at least the pretense of consulting learned theological scholars.

I am aware the New International Version probably described Pharaoh in that way. The New English Translation puts it across like this,
"But Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he did not listen to them, just as the Lord had predicted."

I hope this helps.

Monday, June 19, 2006 5:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Matt said...

I believe that one of the things fueling so much animosity between fundamentalist Christians and liberal Christians/Agnostics/Atheists is the willingness of some individuals to speak for other group, assuming that they completely understand what its beliefs are. The truth is that every individual believes something different, and generalizing only adds fuel to the fire. Can everyone please just speak for themselves and quit building and burning down scarecrows?

Friday, March 30, 2007 7:21:00 AM  

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